Sex, Love and Porn Addiction

What is Sex and Love Addiction?

What could it possibly mean to be addicted to love? Or sex, for that matter? Isn’t love the highest virtue? Isn’t sex a natural–and necessary–part of life?

Of course, sex and love are at the heart of life itself. Were it not for sex, none of us would even be here. Were it not for love, none of us would want to stick around.

Yet, as we all know, even good things can get misused and become hurtful. In fact, the better something is, the more it can hurt when it gets twisted or abused. Sex and love are no exceptions.

Sex can become addictive when sexual impulses become destructive to ourselves or others or when we cannot control our sexual impulses. For example

• a young man compulsively watches porn and masturbates even when he has promised himself (or his partner) dozens of times he would quit.
• Or a young woman who seeks out sex with a variety of partners in dangerous situations despite having been repeatedly hurt–emotionally and/or physically.
• Or a man who compulsively spends money on massage parlors or prostitutes.
• Or a woman who neglects her work or her family while soliciting sex from strangers online.

“Love” can become addictive when our genuine desire for emotional bonding gets twisted into a never-ending, and unsatisfying, quest for emotional connection and/or affirmation. For example

• A young woman who spends dozens of hours every week in chat-rooms trying to find someone who will validate her emotional needs or feelings of self-worth.
• Or a married man who seeks emotional comfort outside his marriage through a series of inappropriate relationships with coworkers or acquaintances.
• Or a woman who throws herself too quickly and too deeply into relationship after relationship with partners who abuse or neglect her.
• Or a man who, though in a committed relationship, constantly looks outside that relationship for validation, acceptance, and emotional excitement.

In the above paragraph, I put the word “love” in quotes because, of course, the sort of “love” described in that paragraph is actually a superficial imitation  of the true nature of love experienced in an honest, intimate and deeply connected relationship.

We here at The Relationship Center work with many individuals and couples  who are struggling with Sex/Love and/or Porn Addiction. They come to see us for a variety of reasons.

• Perhaps they have been “caught cheating” by their partner surreptitiously using porn or in a physical or emotional affair.
• Perhaps they have been seriously traumatized–emotionally or physically–by one or more abusive relationships.
• Perhaps they have taken stock of their life and seen a repeated pattern of self-destructive choices. Perhaps they are deep in despair and see no hope that they can ever give or receive the kind of life-giving love they believe must exist somewhere but have not experienced in their relationships.

At The Relationship Center we understand and we are here to help. We have special training and years of experience dealing with these issues.

If you think you may have a problem with Sex/Love or Porn Addiction, we encourage you to take the SAST (Sexual Addiction Screening Test). It is 100% online and 100% anonymous and 100% self-scoring. You can find it at recoveryzone.com. Even though it is very brief (about 10-12 minutes) after much research the SAST has been clinically proven to be a valid indicator if Sex Addiction is present—provided it is answered honestly.

If you suspect that you or a loved one is struggling with Sex or Love Addiction, please contact us (Beth—703-589-0151 or Sam 904-553-0017) or use the online form found elsewhere on this website. We operate in strict confidentiality and will get back to you within 24 hours.

If you prefer to talk with someone else, we encourage you find someone with the CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) or the PSAP (Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional) designation. Men and women who have earned this designation have gone through rigorous training to be able to help people who struggle with these addictions.

We also encourage people who suspect they may be Sex or Love Addicts to contact one of the following 12-Step Type groups. Each is a little different in emphasis and you can read about their particular emphases on their various websites.

SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: slaafws.org)
SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous: saa-recovery.org)
SA (Sexaholics Anonymous: sa.org)
Faithful and True (faithfulandtrue.com)

For further reading about Sex and Love Addiction, we recommend the following books as a place to start. There are many books out there on Sex and Love Addiction. We think these are the best:

• Sex Addiction 101 by Rob Weiss
• Always Turned On by Rob Weiss
• Out of the Dog House by Rob Weiss
• Surfing for God by Michael John Cusick (a Christian perspective on sex and love addiction)
• Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes (the personal journey of a pioneer in the research and treatment of sex and love addiction)
• Don’t Call It Love, also by Patrick Carnes

If you suspect you or a loved one struggles with Sex and/or Love Addiction, take action. Don’t just wait and hope it will get better on its own. It probably won’t. That is the bad news. But the good news is that there is proven help and a bright future, provided you start moving in the right direction—the direction of healing.